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Repost: Book Review–When Parents Hurt by Joshua Coleman Ph.D.

Joshua Coleman is a down-to-earth individual, both as a parent and as a psychotherapist. His writing is clear and understandable to any parent reader in search of help in the hurtful area of adult children who still live at home yet remain disrespectful of their parents.

… this is a  wonderful book, a major eye-opener, (providing)insight to dealing with my own children.

Coleman’s subtle touch of humor in an otherwise serious issue helps to make this an easy read. An example, would be in his description of the meaning of “No”: “However, he has trouble understanding the consonant and vowel combination that forms the word “No!” As a mother/writer I never thought of the word NO as a problematic consonant vowel combination. Perhaps Coleman is unto something bigger here. Perhaps some of the other issues that lead to conflict with our adult children go back to cognitive problems in misunderstanding other consonant vowel combinations.

Some other statements Coleman makes in his book, When Parents Hurt, that reached out to me were:

“Over the course of your pregnancy, it was your budding baby, not you, who was in charge of your body…well before there was a teenager to talk balk to you, there was a fetus with its own agenda and strategy to insure that it got a full serving of what it needed to survive and thrive, including potentially endangering the well-being of the very person who was giving it a place to live.”

Think about this. From day one the mother provides shelter for her fetus, her developing child. How many things can you think of where the fetus let you know of his/her strategy?

When I was pregnant with my second son, I knew that when I went to get his older brother from pre-kindergarten, he would let me know he wasn’t too happy about it by kicking me in my side. A call for attention? Perhaps, but it definitely was a strategy used to get my attention.

This is a long overdue book and one that every parent, whether in conflict with a teen or adult child or not, must read.

Till next time,


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